


Waiting...

by Alchery



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2157534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alchery/pseuds/Alchery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco is waiting for Jean and the others to come find him. His thoughts as the days go by become scattered and sad, yet he still thinks of him...he needs to go back so badly... (( God this summary sucks compared to the story... ))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yep. It's an angst story. It's also 99% in Marco's point of view because we all have read fics about how Jean feels losing Marco, but I haven't seen any about something like this! Pics, yeah, but fics? Not that I've seen so far. So I made my own.
> 
> Marco may seem a little out of character, but I made him so that his mind is still in shock and going through a PTSD type of break down.......please don't hate me.
> 
> I might make a epilogue for this, so I'm gonna kinda leave it open for just in case I do decide to write it....which I probably will tomorrow.

** Waiting… **

 

I turned and there she was. The female titan. I don’t remember ever reading about female titans ever existing now or before in the history books. She stared at me. I don’t know how I didn’t notice her come up behind me and no one noticed her either.

Next thing I knew…I was on the ground…pain…I felt so much pain… I looked up with as much strength as I had and seen the female titan. She just looked at me and suddenly, she became human.

No…Annie…! I tried to call out to her, but I couldn’t. It hurts to move…

Pain…

Why? It was her? She can change into a titan like Eren!?

She walked over and looked at me sadly. Annie...

“I’m sorry Marco, but I had to.” She said quietly and reached for me. My coat, my gear…I remember her removing them from me before I blacked out.

_'Annie…Why?'_

**\-------**

When I woke up, I didn’t feel as much pain anymore, but it was there. I felt stiff, like I had been sleeping for a long time. I could barely remember what happened. All I could remember was a titan…and I fell…

I’m not dead at least. Someone must have come along and killed it. Annie…I remember seeing Annie. Maybe she killed the titan and moved on because I was okay. Jean…I helped Jean from getting eaten by a titan. Why do I only remember everything that happened before I was attacked? I need to get to the wall. Jean…he must be worried about me.

I opened my eyes slowly and it was dark out, but…I’m not familiar with where I am. I don’t recall ever being around this area of Trost. Then again…I’m not from Trost, so I don’t know these streets as well as I should. But still… Not only that, my jaw hurts. Everything hurts. I feel like I was slammed into the wall with such force, I don’t think I should even be alive right now.

I try to get up and walk, yet when I do, I get a sharp pain in my hip and it feels like I might break if I put any of my weight on it. Also…my arm. It feels numb. I bring my arm up to look at it and it looks fine. No matter what I do though, I can’t feel anything, yet there seems to be a pain coming from my shoulder and my chest – not just my hip. Did I land wrong?

Probably…Jean always was better with the maneuver gear than myself. That reminded me….where was my gear? What if there are still titans around here waiting to eat me? I need to get to the wall! If I can’t get there, than I at least need to find a decent hiding spot for the night or I surely will die here.

How do I move though if I can’t walk from this splitting pain in my hip? I feel weak trying to move. I have to lean myself back against the wall I was against to hold myself up and keep as much weight off my hip as possible. I don’t hear screams, no thunderous sounds from the feet of titans…nothing. It’s quiet. People are gone. Were they able to get evacuated? All of the people who he was alongside with? Did Eren seal the hole up and stop other titans from coming in?

Jean…is he alive? What if he’s dead? No… He wouldn’t let himself get killed. The others helped him with new gear from what I remember. That’s it. Please, Jean…be okay…

I’m tired again… I slid down the wall to sit down. Why do I feel like I can’t move? I’m moving fine. Stiff, but I’m fine. Why? I don’t know, but sleep. I need sleep. Jean…He might be able to find me if I stay here. He must have seen me come over this way. Or maybe Annie is getting help from the others. Then they’ll be here soon.

Jean will be here soon…

**\-------**

The next I woke up, the sun was setting. It was about that time I fell last I remember. They hadn’t come. Maybe they’re on their way over this way to look for people who probably have lived through it all. Maybe they’ll find me and others. Jean will find me…

But I’m so cold now…last night was in fact cold, but I can’t seem to shake off this feeling of being so cold. And the pain…the pain has just barely gone away, but it’s cold. My right side is colder than the other. Why I don’t know. Maybe there was a draft from up the road and I just got cold from it? I don’t have my coat, so I can’t keep as warm as I would like to be. I still can’t even feel my arm.

I’m not hungry…which is strange…It’s nearly time for dinner for everyone and I don’t think I’ve eaten in almost 36 hours. Well… Maybe it’s been almost around that long. I’m not sure anymore. Why does it feel like it’s taking them forever to come here?

I sat up more and looked around. It was still quiet. Not just quiet, but it was lonely. I feel almost lost. Why? Why do I feel like this? This isn’t like me. I know I need to be getting back to the wall. But the pain…the pain hasn’t all the way gone. I don’t think I can fully stand up yet. Someone…Jean…

I couldn’t help but curl up in a ball and try to keep myself warm. I know that I need to keep warm right now. So far, I’m not dead. Which means that no titans are around anymore, right? I’ll be fine if I stay here and let them find me on their own. Jean will know where to look. He seen me come over this way when the titans were surrounding him. He knows where I am right?

I can’t help but keep thinking of Jean and him and the others finding me. I just want to go home and see Jean and the others again. I want to sleep in my futon by Jean. I just…

I don’t know when the tears started, but I can’t help crying. I can’t help this feeling of being lost and not being found. How long will I have to wait…? I wipe at my eyes and find that there is traces of blood and grime on my face, all wetted by my tears. Some of it is caked, showing that it had all been there for a long time. Why didn’t I notice this? Then again, I can’t feel part of my face. I can’t feel much of anything in part of my body anymore. When did it get there?

It only makes me scared of what I might look like to them when they find me. I must be in pretty bad shape; worse than I thought I was. I know that I haven’t moved, so I must look like I’m in pain. I feel it, but not like I look I should. But I feel so much stiffer than yesterday. Then again, I slept against this wall. So I must have slept weird and became this way. That’s it…

**\-------**

Another day passed and they’re still not here. Trost…isn’t that big. Can they really not find me? Or have they even bothered to send a recon group to come out here and see who is alive and dead, or if there are any titans around still. Who knows…I might be so blood stained that they don’t even know I’m here. The thought doesn’t ease me any.

My thoughts turn away again. Jean must be freaking out right now because no one has come to see if I’m okay. He must have been so worried in the beginning that I didn’t come back the day of the attack. Maybe he’s angry…? Maybe he’s angry that no one is doing anything because maybe Trost has been lost to us yet we were able to seal them into this one area of the wall…?

I don’t even know anymore…I think so much that now I don’t know where my thoughts should go. I haven’t even tried to move to see where I am or if I can make it back to the wall and see if anyone can help me. But still, this feeling that I can’t leave and never will get to leave hurts…

I didn’t even get to tell Jean how much he meant to not only the people he fought alongside with and to the future of the people, but…how much he meant to me as well. How much I loved him… How much I loved his amber eyes, how soft his hair was, how he was really an adorable dork…

I couldn’t help but frown and let out a deep sigh. I’ve been trying to take my thoughts off of him because I know how depressing they’ll get. I sound like a lost puppy without his owner…but knowing Jean, he probably feels about the same. I feel…I won’t get to see him again for a long time… I don’t like that feeling…That thought hurts so much more than the pain I physically feel in my body.

I as I begin to curl into myself, I hear voices. They’re faint, but they’re there. I know those voices… Sasha, Reiner and Bertholdt… Others are with them.

I hope that they’ll find me soon. I try to open my mouth so I can shout for help, but it hurts. I try over and over again, and slowly, I am able to get my mouth to pry open just enough to mutter. But I know it’s not enough, but it’s enough to get attention if they come over this way.

Suddenly, the voices stop.

“No…!” It’s the first thing to come out of my throat. It’s so quiet I almost didn’t know it was my own voice. I felt despair. No one seen me and I couldn’t get my voice to work fast enough. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get my voice to the right volume for them to hear me anyways…

Tears once again sting my eyes, my right eye burning more from the salt in my tears. They were right there and they didn’t come. I can’t get myself to fully cry, but the tears are there.

With what little strength I have left, I pull my legs up to my chest and hug my knees. I don’t know what to do… I’m so cold…like I’ve been dunked into ice cold water and I can’t help but let a sharp shiver run through me.

“Jean…” I whispered out, my voice still small. I want to cry so much. He could have been with them… “Please…Come find me…” I croaked out, my voice finally cracked. I nuzzled my face into my arms and let silent tears shed.

“I don’t know where I am…I don’t know how to get to you…please…Jean…”

**\-------**

Jean walked along the road helping to pick up and identify bodies that were strewn across Trost – if there were any. His gloves held up after just helping with one body, he looked up to find the last thing he wanted to see.

His eyes widened, his heart stopped, his body forgot how to breathe, and his mind only had one word that he let slip past his cloth covered face.

“Marco…?!”


	2. ...And Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it has taken me a year to actually update this and finish this! A lot of things had happened in the past year that I haven't actually worked on any real writing projects. But here it is, part 2 of this. I was originally going to have this a little more spread out into more chapters, but I just wanted to finish this up as best as possible without dragging it out.
> 
> I really hope you guys like it otherwise!

As tears silently fell from his eyes and his lip harshly bitten between his teeth, out of the silence came the one voice he was hoping – no, praying for.

“Marco…?!”

A gasp came from him as if his body had absolutely no air in it. Marco lifted his head and looked up to see Jean, but he wasn’t there. He heard him. He knew he did. It was quiet, it was brief, but it was there. _Jean_ was there. Despite his effort in looking for him in his small curled position, he couldn’t see him anywhere. Jean’s voice was so close, yet he seemed so far away.

“Jean…?!” Marco tried with all his might to get his attention. He didn’t hear anything more. He frowned once more and rested his chin on his arms.

_‘It was just my imagination…’_

**\-------**

Jean just stood there gawking at the horrific sight before him. He couldn’t breathe, or he at least felt like he couldn’t. How could this happen? Why? No…Not Marco…He…He was…

Jean’s mind then began to spill his thoughts. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He began to shake as realization hit him that he wasn’t imagining things.

Marco was propped against the wall, his legs sprawled out and his left arm was on his chest, as if it were a final salute or like he was reaching for his missing right arm. His face, part of it was missing. His eyes weren’t closed all the way and his mouth, well, what was left of it, hung open. Part of his own torso was gone. He just…he looked like someone took one great big bite out of him and tossed him aside without a thought or a care in the world.

As if seeing the bodies of other people in the city wasn’t hard enough, seeing Marco, his greatest and closest friend dead before his eyes broke not only his mind at that moment, but his heart.

And it hurt more than he could ever imagine…

**\-------**

I was such a fool.

Of course he wasn’t there. I was so desperate for someone, for him, to find me that I imagined him being the one to do it. I squeezed my knees tighter and continued to stare out to the emptiness that was Trost.

Suddenly, I heard him again. I didn’t lift my head up right away. It might be my imagination playing tricks on me again. It could be because I haven’t eaten or drunk anything is almost three days…but I’m still not hungry or thirsty at all…

“If you’ve got a name for this one, it would be helpful to pass it along.” It was another person with him. There was another person with Jean! I wasn’t imagining things! I lifted my head with a small smile on my lips. I didn’t think that I would get the chance to do that ever again. Did they find someone? Are they alive? Are they going to help me next?

Jean, however, didn’t respond. He could hear him softly murmur to himself. He sounded almost hysteric – shocked.

“Marco…” Jean said my name again. He finally found me…! He sounded like he was talking to me rather than to the person who was with him.

An odd feeling came over me again and I began to feel most of my vision come back to me. Slowly, I could start to make out Trost properly again. Slowly, I could just make out two sets of feet in boots. One must be – has to be Jean’s!

“What happened…?” Jean asked. I couldn’t help but smile as I tried to stand up and walk over to the boots I think are Jean’s. He’s muttering about what happened… I can tell him what happened – everything I knew from being here for so long!

“I need his name. I don’t have time for this.” There was a pause and in that moment, I was able to find my feet and stand up. “Please son, you understand? It’s been two days since bored up the hole in Wall Rose. That’s too long. We’re nowhere near accounting for all the dead. Unless these poor souls are dealt with soon, an epidemic is likely to break out.” Said the voice that was with him. What did she mean? Were there more people lost than I think? Were more people killed than he thought? But the thought quickly vanished from my head, because it’s Jean who is there, I find the will to finally get up. I don’t care about the stiffness in my body. I’m found!

I could hear her talking as I moved towards where I could hear Jean, but the only thing I could think about was that I was found and it kept running in my head almost like a broken record.

“Jean-!” I shouted over the woman I heard him talking to, too overjoyed to care how rude it was. He was looking right at me, almost as if he couldn’t believe to see me. “I thought I was a goner, too!” I cried out.

“We’ll lament the fallen after we’ve done our jobs. Is that understood?”

“He was a member of the 104 Cadet Core.” Jean said solemnly.

“She knows that, Jean – at least she should-!” I reached out to grab his hand as I began to cry, glad that he finally found me.

“Captain of squad 19.”

I froze. It wasn’t only what he said, but the fact that my hand went through his. How did my hand go through his? Are…Are they talking about…?

“Marco….Bodt…”

Suddenly, I felt my world spin, like everything was suddenly speeding up. Like time had only froze or slowed down for me. I then took the time to really look at Jean’s face.

He wasn’t looking right at me. He was looking past me at something. Like I wasn’t even there. The thought made my heart leap into my throat as to what it was he was seeing. But he was talking about me, he must see me, he-he has to!

In desperate need of wanting to know why I was being talked of yet not noticed, I turned to face what Jean was looking at.

It _was_ me.

“No…” I said, but even I knew I couldn’t even hear the word out of my mouth. My heart that was in my throat, now fell hard down into my stomach and I shook. My sight of the world around me came to speed and I could now see everything as it was now.

Ash fell from the sky, the smell of burning flesh and the beginning of rot forming on corpses not yet found, the sound of some cries and faint talking...

“I died…” I said disbelievingly.

**\-------**

“Bodt…Dually noted then. Thank you cadet, I appreciate the help. Continue.” The woman walked away, the dull, shocked look in her eyes unchanged.

“Jean…” Marco whispered as he turned around. Up close, Jean looked of death. Marco couldn’t help but frown after the thought. _‘I had made a very horrible, very unintentional pun…’_ The young blonde was seeing death. And seeing Marco dead…Marco would be just as horrified as him if he were in his place. “I’m so sorry…I thought I escaped her…” Marco said, chocking up as he watched Jean stand there for a moment longer as others walked over and gathered up his corpse, his honey eyes never leaving his body until it was finally out of sight before finally walking away himself.

Marco watched him before looking around. A light had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It was welcoming, warm, and he could see family he hadn’t seen in a long time just beyond it. He took a step closer to it but stopped, his heart aching at the step. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw Jean, slowly making his way down the street. The sight made his heart ache more. With a quick look back to the light, he apologized to the family he saw on the other side and turned around, rushing over to Jean’s side.

Jean needed him still, and Marco needed him as well.

**\-------**

Marco stood just behind Jean as he watched his body burn with the other bodies they had found that day. From his understanding, there was a bigger loss of life than he thought. He watched as his friends from the CC cried for their fellow cadets, as people from the survey corpse and the military police mourned for the fallen.

Turning his attention back to the blonde, he watched as Jean stared blankly at the burning fire. The only thing that brought him out of his hollow gaze was a single piece of bone that flew out from the flames. Jean knelt down and grasped it, softly speaking out loud and wondering if it was part of Marco’s body that he was holding. Even Marco didn’t know if it was his own body or not. He questioned if himself and denied that he was the leader that Marco claimed him to be. Marco smiled at him, repeating what he had told him earlier. That he would make an amazing leader.

It almost got his hopes up that Jean was able to see him from the look was giving him. But, when he looked away, he realized he hadn’t truly seen him.

It wasn’t long before Jean had decided to go into the Scouting Legion instead of the Military Police. It shocked Marco, he had to admit, but Jean had made up his mind. He learned the reason he went into the Legion was because he wanted to not only avenge him, but try to prove to himself that he could try to be what Marco believed in him to be: a leader.

He was doing it all for him. Marco couldn’t help but smile. He would be there for him at all times in spirit to help him along the way. He wouldn’t leave him alone no matter what. Marco truly did love Jean, and he knew Jean had felt the same – even if it wasn’t exactly how he loved him. But it was Jean who found him without both physically and in spirit. He would do all he could so that Jean didn’t lose his way or his life the same way Marco did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry for the long wait and for it to be so much shorter than you or I originally thought, but I just couldn't do it with all the things that were going on. All my stories will be very short or one chapter for the time being anyways.


End file.
